I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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