On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
