She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
