Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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