I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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