hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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