Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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