You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize