Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
