Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
