She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize