come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
sex in a hospital.. check
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
