My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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