id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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