I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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