My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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