The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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