All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thus making me awesome and them whores
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
