I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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