My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
