I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
