I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
