The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
