I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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