if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
