literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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