how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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