Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
