Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
