i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
