they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
