May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
