I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
