HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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