I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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