she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
