You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
