I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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