god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
