The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
