We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
