But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
