I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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