break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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