Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
