What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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