The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
