i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
