bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
