My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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