if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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