So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
