did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
