Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
