help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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