You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize