I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize