***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
