Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
