Barsexuality is the new black.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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