mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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