she woke up with a sticky ear
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
