Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
